


Legal Definitions.

by BarPurple



Series: Sherlolly Against the World [9]
Category: Sherlock (TV)
Genre: Bestiality, Case Fic, Doctor Who References, F/M, Food Kink, Humour, Murder, Necrophilia, Necropsy, The Author Regrets Nothing, This isn't as dark as the tags make it sound, UK Law
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-10-25
Updated: 2015-10-25
Packaged: 2018-04-28 04:10:49
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,299
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5077264
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BarPurple/pseuds/BarPurple
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The corpse on the slab is causing Molly some confusion.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Legal Definitions.

Doctor Molly Hooper was generally unfazed by the bodies that arrived in her morgue. As she stared at the corpse on the slab, she wondered if she’d had a blow to the head she’d forgotten about. She was used to strange, odd and frankly insane things happening, she was dating Sherlock Holmes after all. Anyone who willing wandered into the kitchen of 221B Baker Street quickly developed a high tolerance for the unusual. In the face of this bizarreness, Molly took the only sensible option available to her; she went to get a coffee and waited for Sherlock to turn up and explain what the bloody hell was going on.

Her boyfriend touched down like a whirlwind in the morgue twenty minutes, dragging a weary looking John Watson in his wake. Sherlock gave her a quick peck on the cheek before skipping with glee towards the body.

“Hi John, is Big Ben still in one piece?”

John’s took a second to catch Molly’s meaning before he laughed and nodded.

“Yup still in one piece.”

“So there’s very little chance of the ninth Doctor storming in here and getting snarky at me?”

“Sorry, Molly. This isn’t a TARDIS day.”

“Oh well, a girl can dream. Okay Sherlock, please explain why there is a dead pig on the slab.”

Sherlock had apparently been ignoring Molly and John in favour of looking closely as the pig corpse, but he twirled around the instant Molly spoke his name.

“Our porcine friend here is evidence in a murder case. Possibly a second victim. Maybe even the murder weapon. Won’t know for sure until you’ve done the necropsy.”

Sherlock was grinning from ear to ear in a way that Mrs Hudson would describe as not decent, but Molly found herself smiling happily as well. The past ten days without a case had been torture for Sherlock, so she was glad to see him so happy, even if it was over murder and a dead pig.

John had settled himself on his normal stool and going by his fond smile he was texting Mary. Molly grabbed some gloves and got to work on what was definitely going to be in her top ten of weird procedures.

 

-*-

 

“Remember, I’m a doctor not a veterinarian, so I could have missed something vital, Sherlock.”

“Nonsense Molly. You have been your usual stunning self and found everything I need to solve the case.”

John rose and sauntered over from his corner.

“Come on then. Explain it to us slow brained fools. You know you want too.”

John and Molly perched on the bench opposite Sherlock like children sitting comfortably for story time. The consulting detective brought his fingers together in a steeple under his chin and began.

“Anthony Rathbone had previously caught his neighbour, Timothy Johnson, engaged in copulation with his prize pig.”

Sherlock pointed at the covered corpse on the slab.

“Rathbone set cameras to catch Johnson in the act, but then bragged of his evidence to Johnson, who said he’d report Rathbone for filming animal porn. Rathbone panicked and decided that he’d get revenge on Johnson in a different way. Molly, care to explain this bit to John?”

Watson’s face was a picture. He’d never seen Sherlock willingly share the limelight of the big reveal with anyone. His friend was obviously more head over heels of the pathologist than John had thought. Folding his arms across his chest John twisted his body towards Molly and waited. She took a deep breath and started.

“During the necropsy I saw bruising around the pig’s anus. Further investigation revealed the presence of semen and peanut butter in the pig’s rectum. Preliminary DNA test suggest that the semen is that of Timothy Johnson. A re-examination of Johnson’s body revealed traces of peanut butter under his foreskin. Johnson had a severe peanut allergy, which explains his death from anaphylaxis.”

John had seen this side of Molly on the witness stand, and bloody hell was she impressive. She laid the facts out in a clear, precise manner that was a million miles away from Sherlock’s antagonistic style. John mulled the facts over and concluded;

“Rathbone killed Johnson by sticking peanut butter up the pig’s arse.”

Sherlock, who had been gazing at Molly with pride sparkling in his eyes, rolled those same eyes at John and said with a huff;

“If you must put it so crudely, John, yes that’s exactly what happened.”

“So how did the pig die?”

Sherlock once again yielded the floor to Molly.

“As far as I can tell it was heart failure.”

“Correct. When Johnson went into convulsions triggered by his allergy the pig panicked and suffered a heart attack. Pigs are as prone to those as humans are.”

John hummed and nodded as Sherlock continued;

“Rathbone moved the body hoping to distance himself from the crime, but traces of pig food and soil on Johnson’s clothing led directly back to him. I’ve sent Lestrade a text. Rathbone will be in custody in the hour. Chinese?”

Molly glanced at her watch and realised her shift had finished an hour ago. After a quick tidy up, (at Molly’s insistence), Sherlock swept out of the lab with Molly on his arm and John at his side.

 

-*-

 

In their favoured Chinese restaurant near St Barts John caused a waiter to stumble into an empty table. The poor man overheard something John had said and blanched before making a swift exit. The manager, who owe Sherlock a favour, apologised to the three of them before rushing away to shout at his slightly disturbed waiter. John checked no one else was in earshot before repeating his question.

“Did the pig die before the victim?”

“You know it’s impossible to place time of death the precisely. What difference would it make anyway?”

“This is an obvious case of bestiality, but if the pig died first would that make in necrophilia as well?”

Sherlock speared one of Molly’s prawn dumplings and in retaliation for her earlier theft of his spring roll. While the detective was busy chewing Molly said;

“I don’t think sex with an animal corpse is considered necrophilia. I mean legally, it is in the dead body way, but not in the eyes of the law.”

Sherlock swallow and added;

“That’s right. The wording of section 69 of the Sexual Offences Act 2003 only specifies living animals and section 70 uses the term person so only refers to human corpses. Porking a dead pig isn’t illegal.”

John gave Sherlock a face that plainly said ‘Now who’s being crude?’ Molly took a sip of her Sprite, a thoughtful look on her face.

“Since we eat pork would that make intercourse with a dead pig a food kink?”

John gave his pork chow mein a wide eyed looked, but then hunger won out and with a shrug he kept eating. Molly kept talking;

“How would a kink involving bacon even work? Actually, nope, don’t answer that I’m blissful in my ignorance.”

Sherlock chuckled at his girlfriend as she scrunched up her nose and shuddered at the direction her own musings had taken her in.

“This is a good case for the blog John. What are you going to call this one?”

John frowned as he opened his mouth and then closed it quickly. He rocked his head from side to side a few times then said;

“Nope. I can’t think of a single title that isn’t an innuendo or outright smut. The readers will have to live without the details of this one, I’m afraid.”

Eventually Sherlock came up with the title. John knew it was only because he wanted Molly’s work to be written up in glowing prose, so John only teased his friend a little bit. The title? 

Peanut and Pig – a recipe for murder.

**Author's Note:**

> The plot bunny for this fic was born during one of those crazy late night conversation you only have after a few beers.
> 
> No pigs were harmed in the writing of this fic, but the author's search history looks even sketchier than it did before.


End file.
